‘starting over, yet again’

So it has been a little quiet around here lately; hasn’t it? Days turned in to weeks, weeks to months, and over a half a year has gone by in darkness on my blog.

You may wonder, ‘Did she call it quits? Was this a phase? Did she burn out?’ All of these, and none of these, are the truth; le sigh.


The truth is, since we last connected, a lot has transposed. New job, new living situation, failures and successes, new friends in, old friends rediscovered and old relationships put to rest, medication, healing, therapy, car accidents, spiritual awakening, weddings and births, meditation, prayer and the greatest trauma I have ever experienced… but that’s a story I’m not yet ready to tell.


For right now, I can tell you I’m living each day with a clear intention:

“There is a way of living in the world that is not here, although it seems to be. You do not change appearance, though you smile more frequently. Your forehead is serene; your eyes are quiet.”-ACIM

Doesn’t that sound amazing? I find myself in uncharted water. I have spent the last 25 years of my life in fear, repeating the same chaotic patterns and always wishing I could find a better way. I blocked myself from experiencing miracles, ignored divine guidance and clung to my limiting beliefs of a fearful world I projected as my experience. This was my ‘real world.’


Totally effed up. Totally meaningless. Flailing about in my daily life playing the ‘what-if’ game, succumbing to romantic illusions, and living each day as a puppet to anxiety and fear. I’m so incredibly done with that crap.


(done with that CRAP)

Today, each day I’m doing my best. Happiness is my only function and I believe in my heart there is a way through every block and only love is real. I’m happily engaged in co-creating my life. I’m armed with new ideas, amazingly supportive healers and teachers, a redefined purpose and a thirst for knowledge, happiness and peace. I’m not in a cult, I’m not in a phase. My intention is not to preach, I just feel called to share my story.


Eventually, I will get around to shining some light on the hard stuff. But for now, let’s just focus on the miracles… and let me tell you, there have been A LOT of them. The compounded chaos in my last 25 years has been a great blessing to crack me open and let me see a much easier way of being; my intention is to live in the flow.


Thank you all for spending some time reading and I hope you’re having an amazing day!

struts, stumbles, hugs & kisses- Nicole